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2015, Page 3

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "TV Correspondence" published October 4, 2015 - Paige: What are you doing? Jason: Writing the producers of "American Ninja Warrior" to suggest they add nunchuck fighting to the competition. Paige: Didn't you write to them LAST week? Jason: No, last week, I wrote to "Hell's Kitchen" suggesting they make contestants cook over fire and brimstone. Paige: Oh, yeah. Jason: And the week before that was when I wrote inquiring if the plastic 1/100th-scale Millennium Falcon I was eligible for "America's Next Top Model." Speaking of which, I'm a little peeved they haven't gotten back to me. I put a lot of time into that paint job. Paige: Can I use some of this? I have a good casting idea for "The Biggest Loser." Jason: Didn't you write to them last week?

TV Correspondence

October 4, 2015

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Darwin Award Incoming" published September 27, 2015 - Peter: Just promise you'll let go if it hits a power line. Yeah, yeah, whatever. Floor it.

Darwin Award Incoming

September 27, 2015

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Do Not Breathe In" published September 20, 2015 - Teacher: Class, this experiment has the potential to be somewhat dangerous, so I want to stress the importance of using the fume hood for steps 4, 7 and 16. And If at any time you should detect the smell of ammonia, rotten eggs or sewage, please step away from the chemicals and let me know ASAP. Morton: (Sniff Sniff) What about a foul body-odor-like smell? Teacher: THAT you'd have to discuss with your lab partner. Peter: I forgot to put on deodorant today! I'm sorry! Student: Uggh! Dude! Lower your arms!

Do Not Breathe In

September 20, 2015

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Font Club" published September 13, 2015 - Student: Want to sign up for cheerleading? Paige: Maybe. I'll think about it. Student: Want to sign up for debate? Paige: Maybe. I'll think about it. Student: Want to sign up for Font Club? Paige: What's Font Club? Student: It's a little hard to explain, since the first rule of Font Club is no talking about Font Club. Want to try guessing our second rule? Paige: No talking about Font Club? Student: Wrong. The second rule of Font Club is no using comic sans. Paige: Sweet flyer, by the way.

Font Club

September 13, 2015

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Paper Cut" published September 6, 2015 - Peter: What's wrong? Jason: I have a paper cut on my lip. Peter: Ouch... I've done that. You were licking envelopes?? Jason: Um, no. Peter: So what were you doing? Jason: Nothing. Don't worry about it. Peter: You were kissing your homework again, weren't you. In case no one's ever told you, you have a very weird love life. Jason: Trust me, these were really hot math problems.

Paper Cut

September 6, 2015

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Shakin’ It Way Off" published August 30, 2015 - Roger: 'Cause the playahs gonna play play play play play... Peter: Paige will you stop singing in the shower?! Roger: And the hatahs gonna hate hate hate hate hate baby... Peter: You don't even sound like Taylor Swift! Roger: I'm just gonna shake shake shake shake shake... Peter: Your voice is too high and screechy! Roger: Shake it off! A-shake it off! Woo! Peter: You sound like a 14-year-old girl imitating a DYING RODENT imitating Taylor Swift! Roger: Paige isn't home, Peter. Peter: Actually, a tone-deaf dying rodent!

Shakin’ It Way Off

August 30, 2015