From the Archives: A Dozen FoxTrot Comics for Valentine’s Day

Posted February 14, 2019 by Bill Amend

A mini FoxTrot collection featuring V-day comics from the past…

FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Brain Candy" published February 14, 2010 - Jason: How did the heart become the symbol for love? The heart's just a pump. It's our brains that govern emotions. If you ask me, Valentine's candy should come in boxes shaped like brains. Plus, it'd be better for stores, since they could sell the leftovers at Halloween as zombie treats or something. Man, I wish I'd been born back when these traditions were being established. Andy: Had your father tried wooing me with a brain-shaped box of candy, you might not have been born, period. Jason: You say that about all my Valentine's ideas.
February 14, 2010
FoxTrot by Bill Amend - Jason: Woohoo! Valentine's Day is this week! Andy: You seem excited. Jason: You bet I am! I'm going to make extra-special cards for all the girls that sort of like me! Andy: My little boy is finally growing up. Jason: What rhymes with "give it up, booger-breath"? Andy: I always speak on sentence too soon.
February 10, 2003
Roger: Um, this is a little embarrassing, but... I found this while I was going through my closet. I bought it for Valentine's Day and forgot to give it to you. I'm sure by now the chocolates are no good. Andy: Don't be silly. Valentine's Day was only a week ago. Andy: Why's it say "to the mother of my two children"? Roger: I think I need to clean out my closet more often.
February 22, 2004
FoxTrot by Bill Amend - Jason: I can't believe Eileen didn't give me a stupid Valentine's Day card! Peter: Did you give her one? Jason: Of course I did! I even wrote her a poem! Jason: "Roses are red, with stems of green, your breath smells bad, use more listerine." Peter: How strange she would return the courtesy. Jason: No kidding.
February 17, 2005
FoxTrot by Bill Amend - Paige: The Valentine's dance is this week. Nicole: Hint hint hint. Paige: The Valentine's dance is this week. Nicole: Hint hint hint. Paige: This isn't working. Nicole: Maybe we're being too subtle. Paige: ASK US TO THE STUPID VALENTINE'S DANCE! Nicole: NOW! NOW! NOW!
February 8, 2004
FoxTrot by Bill Amend - Jason: Hi, I was interested in ordering a Valentine's bouquet for my sister. How expensive would an arrangement featuring an Amorphophallus Titanum be? You don't? Are you sure? It might be labeled "Titan Arum" or even just "Corpse Flower." No? Could you at least check in the back? It'd smell like rotting flesh. Yes, flesh. Phooey. OK, fine, what about Symplocarpus Foetidus? It'd have more of a skunk order. That's the third florist that's called me a weirdo and hung up. Marcus: Dude, buying Valentine's flowers for your sister IS pretty weird.
February 8, 2015
FoxTrot by Bill Amend - Peter: Why the grouchy face? Jason: Mom says I have to read all of the Valentine's cards I got. Peter: You don't normally read them? Jason: Heck no! I don't want to expose myself to a bunch of girly flirtation! I mean, look at some of these... "Dear Jason, Happy Valentine's Day, you nerdy twit." Peter: Calling you a "nerdy twit" is flirting? Jason: It's an anagram of "trendy wit."
February 15, 2005
FoxTrot by Bill Amend - Paige: I wish it were just a LITTLE harder to spot our lockers on Valentine's Day. Nicole: Our suitors are probably all just procrastinators.
February 13, 2000
FoxTrot by Bill Amend - Peter: Jason, I don't think you understand how fifth grade romance works. Jason: What do you mean? Peter: If you make your Valentine's card for this girl too obnoxious, she's going to htink you like her. If you make it too nice, she's going to think you like her. And if you make it too plain vanilla, she's going to think you're playing hard to get. Jason: Well, what can I write so she WON'T think I like her?! Peter: Actually, I moved on to sixth grade with fifth still a mystery. Jason: I suppose I could do it in code... that might buy me some time.
February 12, 1998
FoxTrot by Bill Amend - Andy: Think you're wearing enough perfume?? Paige: Man, I hope so. It's Valentine's Day. Every kid at school is going to be vying for suitors. I figure job one is to get noticed. Boys aren't going to declare their love for me if they don't know I exist. Hence my "notice me" outfit choice, my "notice me" glittery eye shadow, and my "notice me" sculptable hair paste. Andy: Paige, if I were you, I'd just relax and not try to force things. Paige: You and I operate differently, mother. Andy: Believe me, I'm aware of that. Paige: Oh, I also have this "notice me" air horn.
February 14, 2016
FoxTrot by Bill Amend - Andy: How was school? Jason: It's Valentine's Day. How do you think school was? I've got a stupid shoebox full of stupid love notes from every stupid girl in my class. Can I take them to your office? Andy: Why note your bedroom? Jason: Your office has a paper shredder.
February 14, 2005
FoxTrot by Bill Amend - "Cupid Proof" published February 11, 2018 - Peter says: Why are you covered in tin cans? Jason says: Valentine's Day is coming up, so I made a suit of armor to protect myself from Cupid's Arrows. There'll be no love connections for me this week! At least I'm 90 percent sure. The armor has a few gaps. Peter says: Oh, I'm 100 percent sure.
February 11, 2018